R: Arrive at San Francisco airport where staff give Stewart's guitar to bemused Japanese people, who leave it lying around till he finds it somewhere near immigration.

P: Thankfully Tim waits long enough for us after 2 hours of immigration queue.  I recognise him from BBPTC video even though he has a different hairdo. He takes us to Bottom Of The Hill for a garden burger. After discovering it doesn't contain grass, I eat it hungrily.
 

Stork Club, Oakland 

R: Can't remember a thing, we were so jet-lagged and needed to drink a lot of beer to keep going. So we can safely assume we were pretty dire that night. 

P: It seems to be xmas here at the Stork Club,  I felt sure we had travelled over in July, am confused by this excess time difference and put weird feeling down sleep deprivation. 
 

R: A chance to look round San Francisco which is nicer in real life than on the telly - less car chases and drive-by's.

P: Tim & Donna buy us x-rated fortune cookies with messages which don't come true.  I think it's for the best.
  

R: Took the scenic route down the coast and due to tourism commitments arrived 2 hours late for the show, which turned out to be a good move...

P: Tim, as well as arranging gigs for us very kindly arranged for some elephant seals to be lounging on a southern CA beach.  Is there no end to his talents?

The Living Room, Santa Barbara
R: Our first experience of an all ages show (we don't have them in England but you can get to normal shows around age 16), which means no alcohol within a two mile radius and by the look of it virtually no audience. However it was great to meet Mike our label man for the first time. Basically we were playing to him, Brandon from Jackass and a couple of other guys while the other bands kind of sulked around. We kicked ass though .

P: Later, I get to sleep in BBPTC head- quarters.  How honoured I feel to be surrounded by piles of Boy Named Thor, Able, Rabbit In Red, Orange Cake Mix , Metronome etc.
 

Radio show at KUCI, Irvine,  Orange County
R: After a 2 hour drive through the most dismal scenery CA has to offer (ie one side of LA to the other) did our first radio show. Enjoyed playing but disappointed to find out afterwards that Alan's guitar had been left out of the mix, leaving only a distant sound picked up by the vocal mics.

P: Awoke to be entertained by Lilly, Linus, Noah and the baby whilst Mary cooked us our first breakfast pancakes which went down a treat.

The Hub, Fullerton, Orange County
R: Came here straight from the radio show. Before our sets we were thoroughly entertained by Celesteville. Restored our faith in all ages shows as it's a really nice coffee bar where we could play outdoors, plus we wouldn't have seen Celesteville otherwise as their youngest member is 11. Then Tim from Lunchbox, being a star, drove us back to Oakland overnight.

P: We got lost trying to find the Interstate 5 North and got to smell our first dead skunk on the Ronald Reagan freeway. Entertained by distant electric storm and UFO phone in show on radio.  Spooky.
 

Radio show at KFJC, Altos Hills
R: By far the best of the radio shows, this was excellent fun and mostly sounded really good (and where it didn't, that's our fault). So thanks to all round nice guy DJ Mitch LeMay and of course the engineer.
 

Radio show at KALX, Berkeley
R: This time it was my turn to have my guitar left out of the mix, just as well as I couldn't hear what I was playing anyway. This show also saw the peak of tension within the band, after the "soundcheck" I stormed off in a strop not realising we were supposed to play immediately. Unfortunately when I came back there was still time to do the show. So if you heard that one, sorry....

P: Whilst waiting with our equipment   as we were packing up, a women walked past me and asked me if she smelt like fried chicken.
 

R: more sightseeing in San Fran. Having bored everyone stupid moaning about not getting to the beach in the LA area, I was determined to swim in the Pacific, even though all the locals thought it was impossible. But I proved them wrong and thoroughly enjoyed my swim (although I have to admit that the water is as cold as in England!).

P:  Discovered an ancient button at Fort Point which I am hoping to sell for vast amounts of money at some future date.  Watched starfish on rocks in preparation for tonight's gig.

Bottom of the Hill, San Francisco
Great venue, cool show. This was our first chance to see Lunchbox play (apart from the Stork Club which I don't remember), and they're brilliant live as well as on record. I think we played pretty well too. 

P: Had a nap by pool table then thrashed Alan at aforesaid game before gig. Someone asked me if I would marry the barman.  Said no.
 

Berbati's Pan, Portland.
R: Up late the night before, then a ten hour drive to play between drag queens and a fashion show at a benefit for someone's diabetic cat. (As Jason "Thor" said, why didn't she just get a new cat?) Needless to say, this was the most enjoyable show of the tour in front of a large and enthusiastic audience. Also our first chance to enjoy seeing Boycrazy who  did the remaining dates with us, Steward and Lunchbox.

P: Drag queens in rest rooms with copious amounts of makeup spread all over the place, more than I have worn in my whole life. Am flattered when they tell me they were dancing to us in there whilst applying it.
 

Robot Steakhouse, Portland.
R: Another fun show, this place has no lighting or decoration but manages to be welcoming and friendly nonetheless. Stewart lost his capo so I had to bar a fret for him for a whole song, which believe me is very hard work. 

P: Spent the day in Portland.  I fought the law and the law won after I was told off by the Sheriff for having a snooze on a bench. After gig, people go for colourful cocktails at The Alibi near Bryce's house.  Listen to Karaoke and plan what we will sing the following night.
 

Instore at Eye & Ear Control, Seattle
R: This store is so brilliant, if you live near it you must go there and buy loads of stuff! The owners are dead friendly and we had a great time. Nice to be able to meet up with Jason "Thor" there. The only shame was not getting to see anything of Seattle, not even the skyline. (We don't have skylines in English cities.) 

On the way back to Portland we stopped in Olympia to eat, expecting a whole city of fey indie kids we were disappointed to find it full of the same kind of boozing bozos we get back home in Bristol on a Saturday night. 

P: Back to the Alibi but not in time for Karaoke - good job really, since my voice isn't up to a rousing version of "I love Rock and Roll." (Joan Jet & the Black hearts)
 

R: on the drive back from Portland, Stewart gets done for speeding at the agricultural roadblock entering California. Apparently we were doing 96, which is not actually possible in Shannon's jeep.

P: Amr lies about the carefully concealed pile of rotting fruit we have in Tim's van. I worry we will be discovered and thrown in jail.  All in all, a leg breaking but fun law of the tour - I mean law breaking but fun leg of the tour! 
 

R: Our last night in Oakland was spent partying with our new friends and we went on to a club where we went through the old "I'm English so I forget I need ID at the age of 34 in your sensible country" routine one last time.

P: Spend most of the day looking around Museum of Modern Art (SFMOMA) before going to party at Mike (Slumberland) and Nommi's house. I then try to blag my way into The Ruby Room by showing the doorman my grey hairs but apparently you can go grey at 19 in CA. He offers to buy us drinks if we return with ID.  

Shannon very kindly takes us back "home" to get passports.  Doorman buys us drinks but we should really respect the laws of our host country.  Rupert and Alan entertain Tim and Donna on the way home with English football songs, their way of rewarding Tim for all his hard work!

Thanks to Tim & Donna, Shannon, Amr, Bryce, Mark, Mike & Nommi, Mike Landucci.